The right person can make anything interesting or fun
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One “crazy ex” is understandable, but if pertains to everyone a person dated then it might be time to evaluate things
Date ideas
Take me to a library
Take me to a museum
Take me to an aquarium
Take me to your favorite spot as a child
Take me to your favorite store
Take me to a book store
Take me to a cafe
Take me to a park
Take me on a walk
Take me somewhere you’ve always wanted to go
Take me to a movie that’s been out forever so that no one else is in the theater
Take me to a garden
Take me to a class any class an art class pottery class cooking class
Take me to a fair
Let’s stay home and have a movie marathon
Let’s stay home and cook ourselves dinner
Let’s stay home and bake something from scratch
Let’s stay home and redecorate your room
Let’s stay home and start a project you’ve been putting off for months
Let’s stay home and make a pillow fort
Let’s stay home and sleep
Slowly but surely.
I’ve always been alone. I’m good at it. But that doesn’t mean I like it.
It always feels like I wasnt invited to some big party. It feels like doing the same things every night. It feels like going to bed alone, snuggling with body pillows and pretending that someone is with you. It feels like everyone knows you as being alone and identify you as someone they don’t want to turn out like.
It feel like crap.
But every once in a while you get that little glimmer of hope. That maybe, just maybe that there is a little bit of good through the endless chain of assholes, heartbreaks, disappointments and nights spent looking like a punching bag covered in tissues and chocolate residue.
But then someone different comes along and You finally feel wanted, needed. Like maybe, this could go somewhere. Maybe he’s different.
Then something goes wrong. And it all crumbles down and there you are again, left alone. Left to mend your broken ego. Because, lets face it, after this many times of disappointment , you stopped giving your heart away long ago. And after having spent too much time and too much mending, you’ll just give up. You’ll find something new to distract yourself until all those little bits that crumbled away slowly start to make their way back and these awful lonely nights are fewer and farther between. You fall back into your traditional pattern. That pattern that you are good at. You wake up and go on about your day with out the expectations of a text or a phone call. Those little jitters of bliss will finally fade and you’re left in this numb haze until the next one comes along.
But just once in your life, that one guy has To come along and change you so fundamentally that you will never be the same. And this time, without you knowing it, your heart slipped away. It’s taken and before you know it, it feels like love… Or something close to it. But just like before, something goes wrong. Maybe they aren’t meant to stay. Maybe they just come along to help you discover a piece of yourself that was missing. When they leave you, you feel empty and hollow yet strangely complete. Like maybe they taught you can love yourself first and always want the best. You want him to be happy, no matter what happens. But they still have your heart. Or at least a large piece of it. That part cant be fixed. It can only be filled because no matter what, he will always carry a little piece of you. Part of you will always be his no natter how brief your time together was. And you will look back and cry from all those stolen moments you spent together, those nights you didn’t want to end. But all that crying will evolve into smiling. And you will move on. You’ll watch his life through pictures on Facebook and random messages that ask how you’re doing. My biggest fear is that I wont find someone like him. Someone even close to him. I guess we will see.
Life goes on. It gets easier to deal with, at least. Time has a funny way of filling that missing piece. You find friends that you never had. You spend your nights doing things that you used to love and falling back in love with them. You surround yourself with distractions. And eventually those bits and pieces are filled with ones that you love and laugh together with.
But for now I’ll just snuggle up to my body pillow and pretend its him. Whoever he may be. Whoever he was. I’ll be ready to move on soon. I can feel it happening, slowly.
Slowly but surely.